Losing: A Lesson on Embarrassment & Humility

I’ve embarrassed myself countless times in my life. A simple foray into my TimeHop app on my phone will confirm the truth in that aforementioned statement. So after years of questionable fashion choices and cringeworthy t3xt $l@ng!, why do I allow myself to shrink minutely into the shadows after a bad day on the mats? This coming from someone who survived a (lengthy) phase of their youth in which I solely wore obnoxious animal print and purposely mispronounced words by eradicating certain vowels and syllables altogether because I thought it was “cool” to sound like an uneducated tw*t. If I can look back on those instances without being consumed by mortification, why should I feel ashamed and humiliated by coming up short on points in a match?

Those of us that enmesh ourselves in the competitive world of combat sports amongst fellow elite grapplers and fighters learn to associate our names at the top of the leader boards and our image becomes synonymous with being at the forefront of the podium. So when we fall short of these expectations we set for ourselves, it almost seems to effect our mental state in ways much more detrimental than any other embarrassing snafu; especially for those of us who teach and want to set an example for our students and our teammates. We feel as if we not only let ourselves down, but our school as well. This ridiculous amount of pressure we put on ourselves to win all the time makes the losses hurt that much more. It’s even harder to accept that we alone are solely responsible for the performance we display, and no amount of injuries or lack of mental clarity can justify any loss we suffer at the hands of our opponents.

When I first came up in the sport, I was told either you win or you learn. In my opinion, that sentiment is bullshit. Yes, I did learn, but I have learned a lot from my victories as well. I learned more from my losses than my wins but I still lost and I need to address that. There is something fundamentally ingrained into me that is blocking my mental state from reaching its full potential. More things for me to work on and have in my arsenal in the long run. I have a great team beside me and possibly the best coaches leading the way (totally unbiased opinion I’m sure), and I know I will bounce back. Hitting more rough patches is inevitable, but I think it says more about us how we regroup after a loss than after a win. I’m slowly learning to not denigrate myself so harshly when I don’t perform to my expectations. I’ve also learned I have people that look up to me and I don’t want them exemplifying some of the behavior I have exhibited lately. I am a champion, in body and mind and one day I will have the accolades to prove it.

Honestly, if I can sashay into my Senior Prom rocking a sequined zebra print dress, I have no doubt in my mind I can deflect whatever future embarrassment awaits me. And if you think for one moment I didn’t physically ‘sashay’ into my  Prom, you did NOT know 2009 Sami. Sometimes I would kill for that confidence again; perhaps I should order a custom rash guard for future competitions. I do know that win or lose, I will keep my head held high and focus on any gaps in my game plan going forward. Thanks to the constant reminders from today’s technology, I know that if I survived my Jersey Shore phase unscathed, I can certainly recuperate from an embarrassing competition day.